President Obama was frank and serious. Telling reporters that “He has a long record and short tiny hands and they need to be examined. I think it’s important to take seriously the size of a man’s hands.”
The President said. “I just want to emphasize that we are in serious times and this is a serious job. We need long hands on deck and a man with small hands well…” said President Obama “might be better suited to run Grenada. A smaller country.”
Donald’s response was swift. “He referred to my hands — ‘if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.” Repeating what he’d said in an earlier after a comment by Republican hopeful Marc Rubio. Donald continued on Twitter. ” I intend to prove it..,The President can’t prove anything. I intend to end the disinformation campaign that has been waged against me and my…size.”
A high ranking member of the Republican party who has refused to endorse Trump said. “Are we going to rely on a man with hands the size of Donald’s to defend this great nation. If his hands are that small. You gotta wonder…how big are his cajones? Can he make the big decisions?”
Donald responded. “I’ve got the Cajones. I’m going to erect the biggest wall in the world. The size of my hands has nothing to do with the size of my…” ( 8 signs a guy suffers from small penis syndrome.)
A prominent Republican stated of the chaos going on in the Republican party. “There’s no doubt that there is a debate going on in the locker rooms of the Republican Party about who’s got the largest penis and what it represents.”
Donald stated ““We’re going to have to do things that we never did before,” Trump told Yahoo News. “Some people are going to be upset about it, but I think that now everybody is feeling that size matters.”
“Certain things will be done that we never thought would happen in this country in terms of information and learning about the size of a man’s hands and the relation to the size of his penis,” Trump said. “We’re going to have to do things that were frankly unthinkable a year ago.”
“We’re going to have to look at the size of a man’s penis very closely,” Trump said. “We’re going to have to look at all those penis’ in the Republican party. We’re going to have to look very, very carefully. I’m not going to rule out a special badge or ID for all men to carry identifying their penis size. ”
As Senator Ted Cruz of Texas seeks every possible edge to stop Donald Trump, he began a campaign to seize every (supposed) woman entering or leaving restrooms throughout Indiana and prove their gender.
Mr. Cruz and his socially conservative allies took up posts throughout Indiana this week. Demanding that all who entered lift their skirts. For those women not wearing skirts, Cruz and his supporters did a squeeze test.
Cruz stated after stuttering slightly… “I’ve never felt a testicle before..However, I think I am able to recognize dick when I feel one.”
With polls showing a narrower lead for Donald Trump in Indiana than in the five eastern states that he swept on Tuesday, the Cruz campaign’s private polling indicates that the bathroom issue has the power to help close the gap. Cruz rallied supporters to take up guard around all restrooms. One woman stated as she lifted her skirt before reporters: “I think this is an important issue. As an American woman…I am proud to show my coochie to the world…”
“Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton both agree that grown men should be allowed to use the little girls’ restroom,” Mr. Cruz said on Tuesday night as a crowd booed him. Cruz continued “It is your duty as an American to lift your skirt and show that you actually have a coochie, before you enter any woman’s restroom in America.”
The topic could surface in July at the Republican convention, where a fight is already brewing in the platform committee to overturn the party’s historical objection to same-sex marriage. In a little-noticed move this winter, the Republican National Committee called on states to pass laws limiting access to school bathrooms and locker rooms based on students’ “anatomical sex.”
To enforce the new laws Cruz recommended using full-body scanners, and creating a Federal Agency tasked with monitoring restroom gender. The new agency would be entitled PP. In addition, Cruz suggested trained agents be posted in front of every ladies restroom nationwide. The PP agents would undergo rigorous training to differentiate the difference between a Penis and a ladies Coochie.
If elected to the most powerful nation on earth Cruz assured his supporters that “There will be no standing in women’s restrooms if I’m President!”
“Why do you say that Greg?”
“Because, I am surrounded by stupid people.”
“Whoa….You’re saying I’m stupid? Listen, Buddy…I don’t know where you’re coming from or where you get this attitude of yours. But, I”m not stupid. So…”
“Can I interrupt..you for a moment. If it isn’t true then why did Donald Trump say it. If it isn’t true, then why does the Republican Party élite think they have to derail Donald Trump. The man who their party members want as President? Why? Because they think we’re all stupid. Too stupid to choose our own President. At least Donald Trump came right out and said it.
The Republican elite, the party’s top ranks think it, believe it and live by it. Actually they count on it. They just won’t say it so, bluntly. If they didn’t think the members of their own party were stupid then they would trust their judgement. The majority of the Republican party wants Donald Trump. That much is obvious. So, let Donald have the nomination.
Donald you must have some respect for, he tells us in a very direct and brash manner how stupid we are. Now, the leaders of that particular party, they tell us much more subtly, in their own Ivy league, uppity, upper class privileged aristocratic way by simply deciding among themselves that they are going to tell us how to live, think, act…and by deciding that the man who their own constituents want as President isn’t who they want.
I don’t want Donald Trump as my President. I don’t want anyone either party has to offer. But, we live in a democracy or republic…or something like that…and if the voice of the people want Donald Trump. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work? I think. I’m not very smart, anyway. So maybe I’m wrong.”
“So, Greg if you’re so smart how would you nominate the President?”
“I’m glad you asked. I would hold a lottery. I would let anyone that is of the legal age to drink buy a ticket. We can’t have someone in office that can’t drink a toast to their victory. One dollar per ticket. Just like the mega-jackpot lotteries the states run. You want to become President buy a ticket. You want to buy the election, then buy a billion tickets. No, advertisements, no debates, no negative campaign tactics. I won’t have to hear about who had sex with who, who had an affair, who thinks I’m stupid, what we should do with the Middle East, global warming or who has the bigger penis.”
“The winner becomes President. The money goes to providing us all with a free education(so we won’t be so stupid) a job and most importantly; I won’t have to watch a group of over-educated, rich assholes act and talk like idiots. Then have the nerve to call or treat me like I’m stupid.”
Hey we might be surprised. Maybe one of us stupid voters will win and have a good idea.
I have languished and been remiss at writing in this blog. It’s not that I haven’t been writing. I write daily in my journal, work on my novel, which I will post some excerpts here and I just write for fun. I love writing, putting my thoughts on paper. I find as an introvert it allows me to communicate my thoughts, feelings and desires.
I must acknowledge that Karma, my cat does listen for a time. However, it seems that after two or three minutes it triggers an intense urge within her to clean her behind. I’m sure that all cats have to preform this function at some time during the day. I try not to take it personally. I’m hoping that my thoughts, do not trigger some inner urge in you to do the same. If you do feel the urge to lick your butt, please inform me immediately, so that I may discontinue or at least post a warning.
I’m going to take a different approach to my writing here. I am going to write about my day-to-day experiences. Write about my development with Life leadership training. How my business develops, how my personal life develops and just thoughts and opinions on the world around us.
So, I begin my writing journey again.
How many times can I begin again?
Maybe instead of beginning again every year, I will begin again every morning. A new day, a new journey each day.
That is the only way to live. Life can be a tangled mess. So, I push forward. I hope perhaps, I might provide inspiration to someone. To make someone laugh. To help someone through I trying time.
So…I’m at the gym. The news is on. Generally, something I avoid. In this instance, a five hundred foot screen in front of my face gives me little choice, Luckily, I have my phone playing music and don’t have to listen to the commentary. Unfortunately, closed captioning keeps me updated. Two experts argue back and forth. They are trying to resolve the current issue dominating the airwaves – police brutality.
Despite my best efforts..I have a thought. As I’m really proud that I had a thought and being that they are so rare I feel compelled to share it with you. I’m thinking, the solution is simpler than these two guys are making it.
You got these people that are out there doing all kinds of crazy things. They’re crazy. They don’t think right. It’s what they do. I don’t want to rid the world of crazy people because they’re fun to watch. I just think there are better ways to deal with them.
So… these nut-cases are doing something crazy, stupid and most probably illegal and somebody calls the police. As they should. In no time, the police arrive. Looking all bad ass, in surplus combat gear.
Now for a moment, pretend you’re this crazy dude. You’re bat-shit crazy, doing crazy things.
You’re thinking – Don’t fuck with me. I’m a bad ass too. The thing is if you had a brain in your head, you’d know you’re going to lose. But, you’re not too smart. You start mouthing off. Maybe even take a swing or two. Because you’re a bad-ass.
On the other hand, you’ve got the cops – dressed in black, carrying pepper spray, a stick to crack heads with, ten gazillion handcuffs, a Taser and a gun all hanging from a utility belt that would make Batman jealous. Here’s my thought, if you look like a bad-ass, well eventually you’re going to act like one and crack some heads, pepper spray some sweet old lady or just shoot the wrong guy. Just because…well…the way I figure it if you look like a duck, you act like a duck. Or in this case, you look like a bad-ass, you start acting like one.
So…here’s my solution and I am not taking sides here. I’m just looking for an impractical solution.
So..let’s just say the cop shows up at the scene dressed like a clown, riding a unicycle and juggling rubber balls.
So…this crazy dude breaks out laughing. He rolls on the ground. Laughing. With tears streaming down his cheeks. His sides hurt. Not from a swift kick to the ribs, but because he’s laughing. He’s no longer a bad-ass, but just a guy that wants to see the rest of the show. A crowd gathers. People shower the cop with tips – Of course being a public servant, officer clown must turn the money in. (Added bonus – eliminates need for speed traps.)
I hear you saying – there are some crazy son of bitches out there and cops need to defend themselves. Hey…lighten up clowns have a trick flower don’t they?
So…If things get rough,
So…I’m reading this article – simple ways to show love to yourself. After overcoming my cynicism, I decide to follow the advice.
It tells me to do something I love Reading a book, comes to my mind. I read about Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. Then I’m inspired. I’d love to be a bank robber. Be a bandit. Be notorious. Spend lots of easy money.
Say No to Someone Else and Yes to Yourself. I say no to the law, doing the right thing and everything I was taught about right and wrong and say yes to my love of adventure and set-out to rob a bank.
As I plan for the robbery. I realize I need a partner. I need someone to watch the door. Who robs a bank alone ? Butch Cassidy didn’t. Jesse James didn’t. Why should I? Ask for help…Accept Help.
I enter the bank. My partner in crime, my favorite feline friend, Ichabod watches the door. I hand the teller a note. It says, “Don’t be afraid. You won’t be hurt. Just quickly and quietly give me all your money. I have a gun.” Now, I could have brandished it. Put it in her face. Scared the living crap out of her. But, I didn’t. I was being very nice about it, I thought. As a matter of fact, so did she. “You’re the politest bank robber I’ve ever encountered.” “Why thank you.” I replied. Accept compliments, especially from yourself.
I had a great time spending the money. I’m actually good at spending money that isn’t mine. Celebrate your strengths.
But all good things come to an end it seems. The police tracked down a few of the bills I’d spent and arrested me. I received a speedy trial. At my sentencing the judge lectured me. for an hour. He chastised me about my loose morals, my inability to see right from wrong and my poor judgement. I have to admit I started to feel bad. believe what he was saying. Then I remembered the advice from the article. Stop Putting Yourself down…Rise Yourself Up!
After which he asked me ” Don’t you feel the least bit of remorse? Aren’t you worried about jail? Are you afraid at all about your sentence?”
“No.” I calmly responded. “I have freed myself from guilt and fear, all in the name of loving myself.” Release Worry guilt and fear…All is well.
After sentencing, myself and other future inmates immediately began the arduous task of being processed for prison. One step of the process involved a cavity search. I felt some fear I had previously forsaken (due to following the articles advice) returning. An experienced convict standing behind me offered a solution. “Best way is to just grin and bear it.” Obviously he’d read the same article. Smile More…..
As the cell door closed and I began my ten-year sentence. I knew I had plenty of time for the last item in my quest to love myself. Allow yourself time to relax and unwind.
So, I’m back. This time with added security.
For whatever reason and this is the third time for me, someone finds it fun, or necessary to hack into my site change the password and do what?
This in turn prompts me to pick up a hammer and smash things – my computer is usually the first to die, the table it sits on falls next, the walls and television are next in line ( I did learn a valuable lesson after the second time this happened – unplug all devices which utilize electricity or use a rubber mallet for these devices , as the after effects can be hair raising!) After which I look for any object that will crunch, crack, snap or explode as I pummel it.
Pounding on a pillow for example, just doesn’t bring the same relief or satisfaction that I get from pummeling something that snaps and crumbles under my fury.
There seems to be some type of primal urge satisfied by hearing something snap or crunch as one pounds on it.
I suspect this urge comes from watching one too many Batman episodes as a child.
Although pounding on something soft and mushy, doesn’t feel as good as breaking a television it is much safer and less injurious to myself. Unless of course that something soft and mushy were to be the lazy asshole that fucked up my site. Then I suspect that the screaming and begging for mercy would more than make up for the lack of a crunch.
So….more to come.