As Senator Ted Cruz of Texas seeks every possible edge to stop Donald Trump, he began a campaign to seize every (supposed) woman entering or leaving restrooms throughout Indiana and prove their gender.
Mr. Cruz and his socially conservative allies took up posts throughout Indiana this week. Demanding that all who entered lift their skirts. For those women not wearing skirts, Cruz and his supporters did a squeeze test.
Cruz stated after stuttering slightly… “I’ve never felt a testicle before..However, I think I am able to recognize dick when I feel one.”
With polls showing a narrower lead for Donald Trump in Indiana than in the five eastern states that he swept on Tuesday, the Cruz campaign’s private polling indicates that the bathroom issue has the power to help close the gap. Cruz rallied supporters to take up guard around all restrooms. One woman stated as she lifted her skirt before reporters: “I think this is an important issue. As an American woman…I am proud to show my coochie to the world…”
“Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton both agree that grown men should be allowed to use the little girls’ restroom,” Mr. Cruz said on Tuesday night as a crowd booed him. Cruz continued “It is your duty as an American to lift your skirt and show that you actually have a coochie, before you enter any woman’s restroom in America.”
The topic could surface in July at the Republican convention, where a fight is already brewing in the platform committee to overturn the party’s historical objection to same-sex marriage. In a little-noticed move this winter, the Republican National Committee called on states to pass laws limiting access to school bathrooms and locker rooms based on students’ “anatomical sex.”
To enforce the new laws Cruz recommended using full-body scanners, and creating a Federal Agency tasked with monitoring restroom gender. The new agency would be entitled PP. In addition, Cruz suggested trained agents be posted in front of every ladies restroom nationwide. The PP agents would undergo rigorous training to differentiate the difference between a Penis and a ladies Coochie.
If elected to the most powerful nation on earth Cruz assured his supporters that “There will be no standing in women’s restrooms if I’m President!”